Monday, June 24, 2013

How could I ever let you go…



Score in the background: ‘Main Tenu Samjhavan Ki’ from Virsa.

Waiting for him with dinner set on the table Arpita waited for Siddharth. When she last spoke to him he had left from work and said would reach by 8:30 pm. Delighted to greet him with a sumptuous meal, Arpita had cooked and finished her left out chores well in time, and was now looking forward to spend the rest of the eve with Siddharth.

During the entire course of hectic days, dinner is what would make her hopeful for that’s when she’d be her lifetime companion. There’s this sudden joy that she felt each day as the dusk would set in. Throughout the day, each time she felt low or aloof, she'd fondly think of Siddharth and draw her strength from their love. He was the best thing that really happened to her and she was head over heels for him despite 4 years of marriage and other 4 years of dating at college. They were quite a favourite couple of almost all who’ve known them, be it college, friends or family. Siddharth was captain of the football team and Arpita was a stunning showstopper of her fashion team then, when the love bug bit them.

Glancing at the clock every now and then, she finally gave up and called him at 9:30 pm. The phone rang several times, but went unanswered. A little panic stricken Arpita was consoled by the loving wife in her telling her about the traffic jam and how he often forgets to change the phone mode from silent to loud. Relaxing herself she dozed off, in front of the television. And was woken up only an hour later thinking the door rang and she ran towards it wondering for how long was she asleep and how many times Siddharth must have rang the bell. Hurriedly she opened the door to find no one outside. But she thought, she had heard the bell or was she dreaming or was it her subconscious playing a trick. Closing the door she looked at the clock and it was 10:30 pm already. Fumingly anxious by now she called up Siddharth again.

Phone rang for long again and was finally answered, but seems that happened accidentally. Listening to the voice on other side, which was of female she fell silent and did not say a word. The woman was giggling and responding back in a sassy tone to Siddharth who seemed to be entertaining her with her jokes and teasing talks. Finally Arpita almost yelled at the handset and blurted out a loud series of hellos. Silence on the other side made it evident that her voice had finally reached them. The woman had picked up and responded in a hello, which sounded a little tensed now. The giggle and teasing tone had faded. It seemed like a shiver had already went down their spines and they both had glanced each other in shock. Their brains now half paralyzed with panic wondered when did the call get connected and what all had Arpita heard and how would her reaction be, etc. 

Arpita's voice stern now beaming with streaks of jealousy and bossiness, demanded: " who is that?"

The voice on the other side answered in a controlled tone of anxiety, " Hi, Saba this side"

"I want to speak to Siddharth, I'm his wife."
To which she said, "He's driving."
Arpita more aggressive than before said, "He can easily park his car on the side and talk."

And instantly she was interrupted by Sidharth's hello!

His voice gave her prompt relief and peace soothing her worries and comforting her. She was so madly in love with him that even today his voice had an overwhelming response on her. But while the heart was racing both in love and jealousy, and now with more love after listening to his warm voice, suddenly her head took over and questioned what was he up to? 

Hiding her love and controlling her hurt and anger Arpita questioned him in a stern voice, " Where are you?" 

And he coolly replied, "On way back."

"Since when yaaar, you were to reach at 8:30 and it is 10:30 already. What is this long drive all about and who is this female with you?"

Her tone a mix of vulnerability and love, topped with doubt and jealousy along with a quiver of fear in it. The venom of suspicion now trying to dig deep into the words being spoken, stressing the ears to get the ambience sound, to know if Siddharth was telling a lie or not. Her cognizance began to tremble with shame on her doubting thoughts, but also at the fear of what she was thinking. Yet, there was something that made her strong inside and allowed her not to yell or collapse or to even face her fears, and this something was her pure love for Siddharth. The intensity of which was now empowering her radioactive feelings. 

Love they say is like devotion and it is completely unconditional, but with an exception that it also requires give and take. It is inexhaustible only if replenished. If you keep taking it for granted, one day it might just wither and wear out completely, because while love was comforting you all the time you just kept using it each time you needed it. And you simply ignored that it was eventually running out and dry. Had you just noticed and gave some heed… it would have lived longer and forever. 

Every time Arpita loved him and over cared for Siddharth, he feared it and would say " I'm not god, why do you show so much devotion darling. I'm human and I'm scared of how much you love me and whether I'll be ever able to come up to your expectations." But Arpita was mad about him, for her it was this strong connection of their souls that gave her so much tranquility in his arms like nowhere else. 

Finally he was at the door but his face wash flushed out and hung long both in embarrassment and in anger. Without a word between them the silence was erring, packed with cold chaos. 

He gets fresh and they both start their dinner when Arpita finally kills the weirdness in the air with her interjections. She asks about her and he raises his voice because he hates Arpita doubting him. But she can't help it, coz she is hurt and he has done it before. The thought of which stabs Arpita each time and makes it just impossible to let go the past. 

He rises from his seat in a jerk and swiftly walks out of the room, following him Arpita almost begins running to catch up with his pace. But as she steps out of the room to enter another one she realizes that she is at a ballroom crowded with young and pretty couples. Her eyes searching for him and her body urging to be embraced in his arms, but at a distance she spots them, dancing hand in hand and her head on his chest, a much youthful woman, a spotless beauty, a perfect figure swaying in Siddharth's arms. 

A woman replaced for another so easily!!!

With an unbearable heartache and tears in her eyes, Arpita wakes up sobbing loudly. She glances at the mobile to check the time and it was 5:30 am already. She quickly ignores the horrible feeling and rushes to get ready for she has a train to catch to get back to Siddharth and be in his arms.

They say morning dreams come true, but Arpita has dreamt much harder and gone way beyond to bring Siddharth into her life. Each time she fears of this distance from Siddharth, she falls more in love with him, this making her magnetic love field much stronger to keep him hooked in love with her. And she tells herself like a psychopath each day, "I'm not giving up on you. Not so soon, not so fast, not now, rather never forever! How could I ever let you go- my life.”


3 comments:

  1. Spell binding, deeply felt and strong; beautiful story telling here. Though I did not listen to the musical piece you suggested, however, your writing inspires music in my mind.

    Keep the ink flowing...

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    1. Thanks a tons for sparing some time. It certainly is encouraging to hear that you found it 'spellbing'. I'm really glad n inspired to make my next attempt now :)

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    2. 'Spellbinding' excuse the typo.

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